I Coulda Been An Eliminator

I promise I'll post pictures of the Gomez family shower, but right now I'm killing time for a few minutes watching "Alias" with Amy and I want to edit some of the many photos from the shower before I post them.

Amy has been telling me about Jeff Yagher - a B-list actor with whom she went to high school and who was featured in the last episode of Alias we watched...featured for about 43 seconds. Anytime Amy sees Jeff Yagher in something...and he's been in a multitude of things...she recounts her high school "relationship" with Jeff in which they "kissed." I believe that was the extent of the relationship...in fact I think his role in the episode of Alias actually lasted longer. Jeff Yagher's brother, Kevin, is also a famous make-up artist...think "Tales from the Crypt." He is the same age as Amy and was in her graduating class.

None of this has much to do with anything except I almost made it onto TV sort of...as a serial killer. Actually, I was never up for a role or anything, but Monty Williams, a reporter I worked with briefly in Austin many years ago eventually became a speech writer for Ann Richards and other Texas politicos and that naturally led him some years later to a similar career...making up stories and writing fiction for TV shows in Hollywood.

The last time I spoke with Monty he was writing for a new "cop" show and enjoying some success...the fact that I don't remember the name of the cop show is indicative of how long that particular success lasted. Anyway, during the course of our conversation I asked him if he could do me one favor. I asked that in a future episode of the now forgotten cop show he name whatever heinous bad guy character Michael Main...or more specifically Michael "Wayne" Main.

I've written many times about my "Wayne theory" or what my family members and fellow believers call the "Wayne Axiom" but suffice it say I believe people named Wayne are predestined to lives of crime. Usually they become mass murderers and such.

My friend Monty promised he would try his best to grant my request, but alas his show was cancelled shortly thereafter...I'm not sure if Jeff Yahger even had a chance to audition.

However the memory made me think of the guy in Columbus, Ohio who is lobbying hard to be cast as a "dead guy" on a TV show like Law & Order. There are a lot of "dead guys" on TV and apparently he's actually landed a role as a corpse in a "b"...okay maybe "c" movie. Who knows...he could be off on a new career to rival Jeff Yagher's...except he'll never be allowed to kiss Amy.


Of course if there are any Hollywood horror writers out there reading this...feel free to use the name Michael "Wayne" Main...no charge.