PATIENT PATIENCE

We're doing the doctor dance today.

We have fallen back off the radar of Amy's surgeon so, after a series of phone calls yesterday to bust through the apparent genetic malaise of his office staff, today we're going for a visit. He's indicated he may put her in the hospital again, but we'll see.

Amy has been a trooper, but she's had a recurring fever for weeks now. She still is unable to eat without pain which was what started this saga. She still is hooked up nightly to a bag of liquified food delivered intravenously.

While Amy has endured all this for months...with dignity, I have perhaps at best become slightly more adaptable only due to the chronic nature of it all. I remain unconvinced we've ever gotten an accurate diagnosis of her problem. I am certain that the "cure" has caused her additional and, in my mind, unnecessary discomfort.

In truth, I keep my rage in check only because I don't know who to direct it toward.

The nebulous nature of all this is what's frustrating. If we had a definitive diagnosis I think we could suffer through it all more easily.

There is a lesson in all this which I'm sure in time I will see.

Today though, I will admit it does not seem like a lesson worth learning.

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller

ODDS N ENDS

The Britney Spears annulment should be finalized today. Looking at a copy of her marriage license, I think Britney and her soon-to-be ex should consider medical school. Their handwriting certainly qualifies...



Of course, I might be judging her too harshly. Her penmanship is much better in this autographed picture I found on line (cropping done by me, this is a family site).



Maybe she was just tired when she signed up for the marriage license.

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The town council in Zilwaukee, Michigan is expected to vote today to require most men to grow beards.

Men are supposed to refrain from shaving until June when Zilwaukee will hold a "Beard Fest" to mark the town's 150th birthday. The city leaders hope this will attract tourists.

I hope it works.

The beards that made Zilwaukee famous.

REFUSE YOU CAN'T OFFER

We received the notice last week: "YOUR TURN IS COMING!"

It sounds more ominous than it is, it's actually the bright yellow door knob notice we get from the city every four months or so inviting us to pile brush clippings, old appliances, and almost anything else outside our house to be picked up by city trash crews. This is stuff the regular trash crews won't pick up, apparently because it's beneath them.

The notice invariably sparks a debate in our house.

I rummage around the garage and say, "Let's throw this useless item away" and Amy says, "Someone will buy that for 2 bucks at a garage sale."

I say, "But then we have to hold a garage sale" and Amy says, "We will one day". That debate goes on for a while until I gradually convince her that it would be worth 10 dollars or more to me to be able to walk into the garage without having to suck in my ever increasing gut.

Usually she'll capitulate enough to at least permit me to cast off a few things.

We have to have all the stuff we want hauled off out in front of our house by tomorrow morning. Then the city will let it sit there for a week or two. I believe this is some karma thing. In order to clean up our property we must also be willing to lower our property values by making the entire neighborhood look like a trash dump. I can live with that.

This time I got rid of an old TV. It was about 3 feet long with a 13 inch screen. If you got a picture on it, it was green. It didn't have a remote control. It didn't really have a channel changer, you had to use pliers. I don't even know where that TV came from, probably because it existed before I was born.

I also dragged out the unsalvageable remnants of my bicycle. That was painful, reliving that memory, but I took off the unbent tire, the lights, and walked away knowing the frame was bent, the handlebars were broken, one wheel was trashed, and it would have cost a fortune to fix.

I gladly unburdened us of the microwave with the crack in the door that was cooking our kidneys, and bits and pieces of an air conditioning unit I disassembled, as well as wood from an old water bed.

The pile hadn't been out front of the house for more than 2 hours before the doorbell rang.

"You throwing away that TV?"

Someone gladly took it.

Yesterday morning I noticed the microwave was gone - maybe somebody needed a kidney warmer.

Later in the morning, our new oven arrived. The delivery man was walking out and he said, "You throwing away that wood from a waterbed? I could use some of those boards"

This morning as we left for church I noticed some of the larger chunks of the air conditioner debris had been taken.

When we came home from church the mangled remains of my bicycle were gone.

There's virtually nothing left of the stuff I put out.

It's like the refuse rapture.

I know what you're saying and it's true, one man's trash is another man's treasure. But, this stuff was really trash.

Still it had value to someone obviously.

I guess this is a lot like grace.

"Hey, you throwing him away?"

"I think I'll take him...I still see something good there."

PSALM 49:15

But God will redeem my life from the grave; He will surely take me to Himself.

Selah

WAYNES



I've mentioned before I am not the only person touting the Wayne Axiom- that people named Wayne are predisposed to crime and mayhem.
The author of the syndicated series "News of the Weird" is also a believer. This was included in his recent column of News of the Weird 2003 highlights:

Arrested for murder in 2003: Randy Wayne Richards (Courtenay, British Columbia), Curtis Wayne Pope (Fort Worth, Texas), Joseph Wayne Cook (Wilmington, N.C.), Michael Wayne Sears (Charlottesville, Va.), Dale Wayne Eaton (Denver), Ricky Wayne Brown (Manassas, Va.), Dennis Wayne Bryant (Richmond, Va.). Awaiting trial for murder (pending competency exam): Elvis Wayne Botley (Palm Springs, Calif.). Committed suicide while a murder
suspect: Rodger Wayne Chastain (San Francisco). Sentenced for murder:
Michael Wayne Fisher (Chester County, Pennsylvania). Appeal rejected:
convicted murderer Barry Wayne Riley (Vancouver, British Columbia).
Executed for murder: Allen Wayne Jenecka (Huntsville, Texas), Bobby Wayne Swisher (Jarrett, Va.). And (Ouch!) acquitted of murder: David Wayne McQuater (Metter, Georgia).

I'm going to assume by this that the author is what I call a Wayne Theory purist, in that he believes there are special connotations to people with the middle name of Wayne. I know a lawyer here in San Antonio who also adheres to this theory. He actually has his secretary go through court dockets and copy off the case details of criminals and accused criminals who have Wayne as their middle name.

I, on the other hand, am on the more liberal spectrum of Waynists. I tend to distrust people whose first, middle or even last names are Wayne. Actually, Dwaynes, DeWaynes, and DuWaynes are suspect in my mind too.

This past year a woman named Waynetta also made my list.

In fact, I've manage to avoid Wayne, Michigan and Ft. Wayne, Indiana.

I once drove through Wayne, Ohio...but we didn't linger.

DROPPING LIKE FLIES

Gee, three of the bloggers I read regularly have recently pulled the plugs on their musings permanently. Several others have announced they're taking breaks for a month or more, and a couple or three haven't posted anything in several weeks.

Don't you realize this is all about me? I need this voyeuristic release of other people's writings. I really must insist this trend stop. Meanwhile I'm searching for well written blogs with substance and or humor.

I'm open to suggestions.

IDLE TIME

I didn't watch the TV show American Idol...and I didn't follow the recent World Idol competition either.

But I saw the story about the World Idol winner today...and I remembered how much I loved Mad magazine as a kid.



I'm sure the new World Idol is a fabulous singer...seems like he would have to be.

AND SO IT BEGINS...



The house is quiet, everyone is still asleep. It's a grey drizzly day, perfect for staying at home, watching movies and football.

We rang in the New Year safely despite the clamoring of "code orange".

I will admit to one moment of terror, around three this morning when I woke up to pitch darkness. At first I thought Amy had turned out the night light, then I realized I saw no light at all. I couldn't see any clocks, the cable box, not even the hand in front of my face. For a brief moment in my sleep induced haze I wondered if that glass of cheap champagne at midnight was some how spiked with something that had left me blinded. I stared around the room looking for any glimmer of light and found none.

I was too sleepy for hysteria, but some bizarre thoughts did cross my mind.

Then, I heard the kids were still awake in the living room...laughing.

I knew the world was okay.

There must have been a power failure.

I crawled back into bed vowing to worry about it later.

I know there will probably be other days in this new year when I find myself in momentary darkness.

I hope at those times too I stop and listen....and realize there is no need to panic.

Psalm 18:28
You, O Lord , keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.